I am in Slammer hell!

It was early spring in 2002 and I stood behind the cash register watching as my coworker Ryan single-handedly assembled and wrapped 50 individual cheeseburger sliders (referred to as Slammers). It was 3:00 in the afternoon and a Volvo-Driving Soccer Mom came through the drive-thru looking to treat her son’s little league team to a post-game snack from Hardee’s. I couldn’t provide any assistance because I had just started my job there and was only trained on taking orders, running the register, scooping fries and sweeping the dining room. Aside from this incident, we never did a lot of business after breakfast hours so I didn’t have much else to do aside from watch Ryan lay out the buns, slide on the burgers and slather on the condiments over and over again.

I didn’t work at Hardee’s long. My mom’s best friend’s son had a job there and he put in a good word for me during my senior year of high school. I wasn’t mowing yards anymore and I didn’t want to go back to the grocery store where I’d once worked over the winter. My mom had spent a small portion of her life working at Burger King as a young woman and seemed to have fond memories of it so I went into the job with a positive outlook. I had to buy black pants and slip-resistant shoes that I’d pair with a standard-issue Hardee’s hat and electric-blue Thickburger t-shirt that smelled like grease no matter how many times you washed it. And while I didn’t have the same positive experience my mom had in fast food, it was still a pretty sweet gig.

Like I said before, there was rarely ever anything to do so I mostly just hung out, cleaned and shot the shit with my coworkers. We’d tidy the place up while we talked or sometimes took short breaks from conversation to do a sweep of the dining room to retrieve lost trays or wipe down tables. Ice was refilled and straws were restocked every half hour or so and our bathrooms were always spotless. Honestly, our Hardee’s location was pristine. The best part about it all is Hardee’s had a policy that allowed workers to eat as much free food as they wanted if the Health Department gave you a score of 95 or better and we had straight 98s or 100s for years. I usually worked weekdays after school and after I’d stand and talk for four hours, I’d clock out and walk out the door with a Thickburger, fries and butter pecan milkshake for myself and a roast beef sandwich for our dog Slash.

Every. Day.

For the sake of my waistline and heart health, I’m grateful that I only worked there a couple of months before I got my more active job as a busboy at O’Charley’s. I interviewed after my shift ended at Hardee’s while still wearing my Thickburger t-shirt. When I put in my notice, my manager informed me that I would need to return both the hat and the shirt after my last shift, which I did. I’d later be disappointed to find out from another coworker that nobody ever does anything if you keep your uniform – I had wanted to keep my Thickburger t-shirt and apparently could have if I hadn’t been such a damn rule follower.

This week, 20+ years after I worked my last shift there, the Hardee’s on John B. Dennis in Kingsport shut its doors for the last time. Presumably another victim of the violently unfortunate circumstances bestowed upon the restaurant industry by the pandemic. It now joins the growing list of other locations in Kingsport from my past that no longer exist, including Lynn View Middle School, Sullivan North High School, Harmony Presbyterian Church and the location of my first “real” job – Winn-Dixie.

It’s just another reminder that life, indeed, goes on and will continue going on until forever. I’m halfway through my 39th year on the planet and while stories like this, along with me continuously crossing my fingers no one invites me to our 20-year high school reunion, always remind me that I’ve been around a lot longer than it sometimes seems. Yet no matter how old I get there will always be someone, somewhere, viewing me as today’s youth. All the other guys my age are either bald or gray these days so I guess I’ll take the compliment.

Anyway, let’s talk about goals and how June treated us.

Goals I’ve Kept Up With:

Clean Eating, EVIL LAS VEGAS & the Spirit Returns

The EVIL LAS VEGAS program officially ends today and I’m glad. While I’ve seen a good amount of success over the last few weeks, I’m sick of the programming.

Once we get back from Vegas, I’ll be firing up the new program. The Spirit Returns is named after a song by American Black Metal artist Blackbraid (check this project out – it’s Black Metal but instead of the tired Satanic/Scandinavian/Pagan/Germanic themes so prevalent in the genre, Blackbraid is of Native American heritage and carries both its imagery and passion into the music). The new program will be a six-day split that combines elements of Jim Windler’s 5/3/1 method and Boring But Big accessory with the Maffetone Method of aerobic training thrown in for cardio and an additional arms day. The program looks like this:

• Monday: (morning) 5/3/1, Bench Press Focus with horizontal pull and abs accessory work; (afternoon) Maffetone Method cardio, 30-40 minutes; (evening) mobility
• Tuesday: (morning) 5/3/1, Leg Press Focus with hamstring and abs accessory work; sauna session; (evening) mobility
• Wednesday: (morning) Maffetone Method cardio, 30-40 minutes; (evening) mobility
• Thursday: (morning) 5/3/1, Overhead Press Focus with vertical pull and abs accessory work; sauna session; (evening) mobility
• Friday: (morning) 5/3/1, Deadlift Focus with quad and abs accessory work; (afternoon) Maffetone Method cardio, 30-40 minutes; (evening) mobility
• Saturday: (morning) Gratuitous Arms Day; sauna session; hydromassage; mobility
• Sunday: Rest; Mobility

Nutrition for the program is going to be similar to the previous month in that I’m going to be following a diet that closely resembles Mediterranean or sometimes even Keto but I’ll be prioritizing complex carbs for strength training energy. I’m also going to be bringing back the Saturday morning Donut breakfast. Deal with it.

3-Month Goal – Read 3 New Books (12 Books, 12 Month Goal)

I finished Meditations by Marcus Aurelius in June, which was very cool. I’m not a philosophy nerd by any stretch but I do love reading and learning about different philosophies. I’m a big fan of stoicism and this book is one of the great stoic works. It’s a short read but there are lots of things to ponder! I’m currently reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values by Robert M. Pirsig. My original goal as written in my planner at the first of the year was to read 10 books this year but my count is currently already at nine. My new goal is to have 12 books read by the end of September, 15 by the end of the year.

More Writing 

Last month I mentioned that my Daily Writing goal is now More Writing and I think I performed pretty well. I wrote a whopping three new blog posts, not counting the one you’re reading now, worked on one of my books (some) and, as per usual, wrote to some extent during the course of my job. I have some new blog projects lined up that I’m hoping to knock out this month and have set a new goal of having 12 new blog posts written between now and the end of September.

Goals that Need Revision:

Household Projects

Not really revising, just updating. My last three-month project list included fixing Katie’s bathroom sink, replacing the rotten boards on the deck, finish installing the lattice on the porch, buying and seasoning two new grills, getting rid of the old grill, painting the front door and installing new hardware, cleaning the back deck furniture, installing light fixture poles on back deck and hanging bistro lights, helping Katie with the gallery wall installation, finishing the front flower bed and prepping the house for our first dinner party.

And somehow, by the grace of the gods, we did it! 

The current household projects list includes installing the new driveway lights/cameras, installing the new bedroom ceiling fan and putting up that new shower rack (finally). Not saying this list won’t grow – I am married to Katie Simpson, afterall – but right now it’s plenty manageable.

New Goals:

Warning

Last month I talked about flirting with the idea of learning how to play every song from Green Day’s poorly received 2000 album Warning but I spent the biggest part of the month not playing much guitar. I hope to change that this month by learning the 12 songs that make up this underappreciated record.

15 Books by End of the Year

Mentioned above – my original goal this year was 10 but I’ll have that goal reached by the end of this month once I finish reading my current book. There are currently 18 more books in the house that I haven’t read that are on my to-read list (yes, I keep a spreadsheet) so I’m changing my goal for the year to 15. I use a random number generator to select which book I’ll read next and my list contains everything from horror fiction, humorist essays and biographies to personal development, quantum physics and philosophy.

Plan Two More Dinner Parties

Our first dinner party went off without a hitch so I’m excited to get ready for the next one … or two! I have a great idea for a more intimate party I’d like to have maybe in the fall so I’d like to go ahead and iron out the intricate details of the menu and overall experience so we can be well prepared. I figured while I’m at it I may as well work with Katie on figuring out the other party we said we’d have this year as well.

Goals I’m Letting Go:

None this month!

Rad Things from June:

I smoked my first bacon of the year and utilized our meat-grinder we received as a wedding gift for the first time to make sirloin/ribeye burgers; We hosted our first dinner party with a guest list of about 15 that not only included my bacon cheeseburgers but also Katie’s Blackberry Margaritas and Lavender Cake made with her own lavender from the garden; We attempted (successfully) hibachi on the Blackstone and grilled our first peaches on the Akorn; I smoked Tandoori-style chicken for Katie’s mom and step dad one weekend then did a bangin’ reverse-sear on two tomahawk ribeyes for her Pops on Father’s Day the next week; We harvested (and air-fried) our first pink okra of the season; We scored tickets to see Tool in November; Made my first pizza on the Akorn; Went to the Lavender Festival in Oak Ridge and hit up the annual Hops in the Hills Festival in Maryville.

Rad summer so far. Here’s to continuing that trend, assuming I survive the 110-degree days in Vegas. 

-JS