I certainly didn’t mean to neglect the blog this summer. I told Katie that I feel like I’m one of those writers who aren’t writing anything as a result, but that isn’t true. I’ve been a writing machine, in fact, it’s just stuff that hasn’t landed over here. This includes a feature-length screenplay that I hope to talk more about next year, a few additions to my new book project (did you buy my first one yet?) and this fun little ditty that I wrote about the use of logical fallacies during an election year. Anyway, I’m back on track and will now be releasing a series of posts that I’ve been wanting to write ever since we got back from Italy back in May (yes, it’s that long ago now … depressing). You might think that I really missed the bus by not writing about Italia at all, but you’d be wrong as I did post Italia: Lessons Learned over on justin-simpson.com.

Recently inspired by looking back at how this blog used to be a foodie outlet, I wanted to expand on our spring trip and spend some time talking about our foodie adventures in Italia. If you’re into travel, food and food travel, then you’re going to enjoy it. I think. Let’s begin.

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For months leading up to our honeymoon in Italy, Katie and I talked about, dreamt about, researched and (loosely) planned how and what we were going to be eating. When most Americans think of Italy, the two things that immediately come to mind are food and wine, and while we had other objectives on our trip, those were our top two as well. 

Our vacation started at our local airport and (since I’m a grandpa when it comes to getting places on time and not having to rush) we arrived, checked our bags and made it through security with more than enough time to kill. McGhee-Tyson Airport leaves a lot to be desired, but they do have a Ruby Tuesday. And since it was after 11am, we decided it was safe to go ahead and down our first beverages of the trip: classic airport mimosas. We maybe had two each and maybe got on the plane feeling Alcoa Fancy.

Our flight to Charlotte was short and quickly followed by lunch at a Smashburger restaurant. It was fine (and just fine). We then hit up a bar for some margaritas we didn’t realize were $25 each. They were just fine as well, though definitely not worth the price. While in Charlotte, we also had some more Prosecco after learning the sour beer we wanted wasn’t available, then some chicken tacos from a rum bar after our flight to Rome was delayed. All-in-all we spent $150 on food and drinks in the Charlotte airport and $150 of it was forgettable. I guess this is to be expected.

After a nearly 10-hour flight, we landed in Rome at around 12:30 pm local time (6:30 am EST) tired from not sleeping and hungry. We still had a long day ahead of us and we knew we needed some fuel. Katie staked out a snack bar near baggage claim and nervously ordered us a panino di speck e mascarpone (speck and mascarpone sandwich). I don’t know if it really was that good or we were just so excited to be eating food in Italy, but it was everything we ever needed and more at the moment.

From Rome, we buzzed up the autostrade in our rental car to our first destination: the ancient Etruscan city of Orvieto in Italy’s Umbria region. Orvieto is a very small town surrounded by cliffs that sits atop a vast system of interwoven caves used for a variety of reasons from olive oil production and security to transportation and pigeon farming (note, I don’t think they’re used anymore, but they could be). Our hotel, the historic Hotel Palazzo Piccolomini, is situated in the city’s “Medieval” side and was once the home of the papal Piccolomini family from the 16th to early 20th centuries.

It was here that we experienced our first dose of true Italian culture. The city was mostly dead when we arrived with very few people out on the streets and virtually no businesses open. We had apparently arrived during what is called riposo – a midday break observed by Italian locals in smaller, non-touristy areas. This usually starts around 2-3pm and lasts until restaurants reopen for dinner. We learned during our pre-trip research that the best way to show you’re a tourist is to try to find food during riposo, which we certainly did more than a few times. In Italian culture, families don’t usually have dinner until 7:30pm at the earliest, so most restaurants won’t even open until 7:30 or later. This meant that until 7:30 that evening, all Katie and I had on our bellies was a speck-and-mascarpone sandwich that we’d split. When dinner rolled around we were both hungry and cranky.

But thank the gods we brought our appetites to our first dinner. Google Maps pointed us to a nearby tavern called Ristorante Grotte del Funaro. Italy has many different types of restaurants that I’ll cover in this series, but in this case, a ristorante is what we’d consider a “classic” restaurant type with a hostess, table service and a multi-course menu. This was another thing to get used to, as the menus offer a number of courses. It’s important to note, however, that you’re not required to go through them all. A typical Italian menú will include:

• Antipasti (appetizers): You’ll find crostini and a variety of charcuterie here.
• Primi (first main course): Often pasta and polenta-based dishes; small plates.
• Secondi (second main course): Protein-based dishes consisting of grilled, sautéed or fried meats.
• Contorni (side dishes): While secondi can be filling, it’s usually also a small portion, so a variety of side dishes from vegetables to french fries can be found here.
• Dolce (dessert): Again, not a required course but if you’re going to be in Italy, you’d better be ordering something from this menu!

We started our dinner with an unbelievable selection from the antipasti menu: Tagliere di Salumi Tipici Umbri di Suino e Cinghiale con Formaggi, Miele al Tartufo e Crostino al Lardo (Umbrian pork and wild boar cold cuts paired with a variety of cheeses, truffle honey and lard-based crostini). 

Good God in Heaven, dear readers, that truffle honey changed our lives. SO good! We enjoyed some delicious red wine and basked in the fact that all we’d had was wine and antipasti, yet we felt like every other meal we ate on vacation couldn’t possibly compare.

Next, Katie ordered the Tagliatelle al Ragú di Agnello (tagliatelle pasta served with a wild-boar ragú) from the primi menu while I enjoyed the Grigliata Mista di Carne (“mixed grill” with wild boar, lamb, sliced pork and sausage) from the secondi menu.

We ate until we couldn’t stand it anymore, yet still found room to pull something off the dolce menu: the most perfect Créme Brûlèe. At this point, we’d stuffed our faces with food, washed it down with about 2 bottles of red wine and were ready to roll on back to our hotel. It was then, however, that we learned another aspect of Italian culture: servers do not work for tips, so there’s no urgency to push you out of the restaurant! In fact, if you wait for the server to drop off the check, you’re going to be waiting for the rest of your life. We had a life to be living, however, so we asked for our check and rolled out.

Important to note – we had the above meal for only €80 ($87.60 USD), which baffled me. That meal in the United States could have – and would have – easily set us back $200 or more. We knew at that moment that life would never be the same after this culinary experience.

The following day, we hit up the continental breakfast at our hotel, which under normal circumstances would be underwhelming, but they just do things differently in Italy. Here in the good ol’ US of A, continental breakfast usually consists of rock-hard Raisin Bran, fake scrambled eggs, stale bagels and an old banana if you’re lucky. While in Italy, we enjoyed a number of continental breakfasts that were above and beyond, consisting of fresh regional fruit, Italian pastries, cold cuts, fresh cheese and a coffee bar with a live barista. 

What a way to start the day!

This would be our first and only full day in Orvieto and would consist of a tour of the magnificent Duomo di Orvieto (a 14th-century Roman Catholic cathedral dedicated to the Assumption of the Virgin Mary) and Orvieto Underground (two of the many sprawling caves that run beneath the city). Exploring on foot, however, can make a person very hungry, so we stopped for lunch at a place just outside the duomo called Bar Caffetteria Hescanas. It’s here that I’ll explain that in Italy, a bar isn’t what we think of when we use the term in the United States. A bar is more like a coffee shop that may also serve small bites. The Italian term caffetteria also means “coffee bar” so in a way, Bar Caffetteria is redundant much like ATM Machine.

Yes, we were aware of its two-star Google review, but be not alarmed. At this charming duomo-side bar, Katie enjoyed what she said was the best bellini she’s ever had and we shared our first pizza of the trip: Pizza di Mozzarella e Tartufo (mozzarella and truffle). At that point, it was the best pizza I’d ever eaten in my life. I think I even said as much and followed with “there’s no possible way the pizza will get better than this on this trip.”

Pizza count: 1

Riposo was about to set in around the time we finished with our tour of Orvieto Underground. While we were able to pick up a cool Yule tree ornament on our way through the shops, most places were beginning to close down. Luckily for us, one place near our hotel remained open. Il Sant Andrea is a cute bar that doesn’t close for riposo and is nestled along a line of other businesses at the doorstep of the Chiesa di Sant’Andrea (The Church of St. Andrew). Inside were several small tables and a snack bar. We each had a glass of wine and shared a fruit tart with chocolate chips while people watching near the window.

After naps at the hotel, we were up and ready for more Italian action but were much too early for dinner. We needed a snack, so we outed ourselves as tourists again by finding a spot down the cobblestone street called Pizzeria Hamburgeria Viktoria. As the name suggests, a pizzeria is a restaurant that specializes in serving pizza, while a hamburgeria serves up – you guessed it – hamburgers*. This place served both and boasted multiple “best of” awards in framed certificates on the wall, but we opted to split a panino di porchetta e insalata, which is to say a sandwich with porchetta and the typical lettuce and tomato toppings. The pizzeria was very humble and incredibly small, but this was one of the best damn sandwiches I’ve ever eaten. We sat at a booth inside while the sole employee (presumably the owner) drank a beer and smoked a cigarette with a friend on the outdoor patio.

*I was blown away by how many places offered hamburgers of different varieties. I couldn’t bring myself to order a cheeseburger while dining in a country famous for its special cuisine, but I also fully considered the possibility that maybe Italy secretly serves the best burgers? How would I know if I didn’t order one? For what it’s worth, I still don’t know, because I didn’t. If YOU know, please pass that info along. THANKS.

From there, we bounced over to a spot called Caffé del Teatro (Theater Café) located in the Teatro Mancinelli for our first proper aperitivo of our vacation. In Italian culture, the aperitivo is a pre-dinner drink designed to “open up” the stomach. It’s usually carbonated, bitter and low in alcohol, with a popular selection being the Aperol Spritz (Prosecco, Aperol and sparkling water). We each had one of these and enjoyed the overall ambiance of the modest bar. We would go on to have many more of these during our trip!

By the time dinner rolled around, we were more than ready for another great experience – were we going to get a repeat of the night before? Earlier in the day, we’d passed by what appeared to be a bar – like, an actual alcohol bar – and didn’t think anything of it. We did some research at our hotel to figure out where we wanted to eat and landed on a spot called FE3.Ø. We were more than a little surprised to find, upon following Google Maps directions, that the ristorante we were drooling over in the hotel room was the same shabby little brewpub we’d encountered earlier that day. We shrugged it off and went inside.

And we were SO glad we did! While the first floor is barely big enough to house the bar and the six-or-eight stools at its edge, we were delighted to be led up the stairs to a full dining area. Our host guided us to a very romantic two-seater table near a window and graciously explained the menu for us. He also started us with a bottle of white wine accompanied by a selection of breads with olive oil. Right away, we were winning.

Our antipasti course is probably the most unexpectedly delicious dish we had on the whole trip. The Pane, Burro e Alici – or Bread, Butter and Anchovies – was absolutely TO DIE FOR. The silly thing is that’s all it was! Very simple crostini topped with a small pat of butter and a doubled-over anchovy. The saltiness of the fish paired with the creaminess of the butter on top of the crusty bread made for the perfect bite every single time.

We reversed roles from the previous night, with me ordering the Gnocchi Al Tartufo (Gnocchi with Truffle sauce) from the primi menu, while Katie enjoyed the Polpo (grilled octopus with sautéed chicory greens and a combination of buffalo stracciatella and aged ricotta) from the secondi menu. Katie liked her octopus well enough, but my gnocchi was one of those dishes that makes you want to close your eyes and do a little dance every time you take a bite.

Finally, we wrapped up our dinner at FE3.Ø with a little something-something from that dolce menu. For years I didn’t care for tiramisu because I hadn’t yet acquired a taste for cold coffee – whether that’s cold brew, iced coffee or coffee-flavored desserts. I had finally changed my ways about a year or so before our trip and was therefore so incredibly excited to try an authentic Italian tiramisu! It did not disappoint.

We walked back to our hotel in the rain that night, bellies full and hearts giddy. Our plan was to get some rest, hit that top-notch continental breakfast again the next day, then hit the road for the next stop on our foodie adventure: Massa. Thus far on our gastronomic tour of Italy, everything I’d eaten was the best I’d ever had. How was it possible that this was just the first of many stops on our trip? Surely it wasn’t all going to be this good, right? Right?