Earlier in the week, I had a minor freakout. Lately, I’ve been dealing with some very harsh depression (or “the black dog” as my father-in-law would say). When Katie cornered me in the bathroom to ask me what was up, I informed her that I was sick of the holidays, that I wanted them to be over. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and wake up in January so all the traveling, family and obligation were out of the way.

It had nothing to do with the family or the travel or the obligation, really … I just wasn’t in the right mindset to tolerate the pomp and circumstance of family gatherings, feeling as though my heart simply had no celebration in it, questioning the very validity of family and feeling overwhelmingly worthless as a human.

And then, as per usual, food changed everything.

This post is about turkey, but I want to start by highlighting the insane cheesecake I made for Thanksgiving dinner number one:

Friends, you are looking at a Cranberry-Swirl Cheesecake (from Amy at House of Nash Eats). There’s a graham-cracker crust, homemade (though very simple) cranberry sauce swirled into the cheesecake filling, a layer of white-chocolate-vanilla mousse and a garnish of both sugared cranberries and sugared rosemary. It was already what I would consider a pretty advanced recipe, but it was even more advanced when you consider that I’ve never made a real cheesecake before. Sure, I’ve done the no-bake versions and I’ve made many high-protein, faux cheesecakes, but never a legit water-in-the-pan cheesecake.

I worked on it over two days and was very, very nervous. While everyone else received specific directions as to what they were to bring, the family charged me with a generic “dessert” task with the stipulation that it must be “delicious.” I considered a backup plan just in case, yet one never materialized. Thankfully, I didn’t need it. Katie and I spent several days preparing our Thanksgiving contributions with my mother-in-law and we had a blast sharing the space, getting feedback and taking taste tests.

Mom shares our passion for food and showing both love and effort through gastronomy. We had a wonderful, often hilarious, time together and I’m grateful for it.

But let’s talk about that bird.

Here’s another first: I’ve helped make many Thanksgiving dinners over the years but it’s been limited to sides and desserts. I’ve never been in charge of the turkey and I’ve been kind of glad since it’s so often messed up (for scientific reasons that are beyond the scope of this post). This year, however, that would change, albeit slightly. Our Thanksgiving dinner number two would just be me, Katie and her Pops, so we didn’t need to go overboard with volume, which also means there was also no need to prepare a whole-ass turkey – a lesson I’ve learned from my mom.

Since Thanksgiving get-togethers are fairly small for my side of the family, my mom has started preparing a simple turkey breast for the family to share instead of wasting time, money and effort on a full bird, which I think is smart. I decided to do the same, but it was for Pops, so you know I had to smoke it! 

I utilized a couple of recipes written and developed by Susie Bulloch of Hey Grill Hey, one of two go-to sources I utilize for perfecting my grill game. Mega shoutout to Susie and her brand because it has helped me impress a lot of people over the last few years!

For starters, dig this recipe for The Best Smoked Turkey Breast. I picked up two three-pound turkey breasts from Wal-Mart, thawed them out two days ahead of time, then the day before, dropped them into a brine. I used Susie’s brine recipe below, altered slightly to add volume since I was using one pound more bird than for what this recipe calls.

Brine Recipe* (source: Hey Grill Hey)

• 3 Cups Apple Cider
• 2 Cups Water
• 1 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar
• ¼ Cup Salt
• ¼ Cup Brown Sugar
• ¼ Cup Worcestershire Sauce
• 2 TB BBQ Rub**
• 1 TB Garlic Powder
• 1 TB Onion Powder

*Again, this recipe is for a 4-5lb turkey breast. I used two three-pound breasts so I altered the ratio a tad to account for the extra pound of bird.
** Susie’s recipe calls for her Hey Grill Hey Sweet Rub, but I used some stuff I had on hand: Rib Rack Sugar-Free BBQ Rub.

Fun fact that I learned from barbecue god Meathead: Brines/marinades are great, but there’s no scientific evidence that leaving meat in there for a prolonged period has any significant effect. Brines and marinades can only penetrate so deep, no matter how long your protein is submerged. Therefore, a good rule of thumb for brines and marinades is 1-2 hours per pound. It doesn’t hurt to stay longer, but it also doesn’t really do anything more. With that said, I left my turkey breasts in the brine overnight.

The next morning (Black Friday), around 9:30am, I set the Char-Griller Akorn up for a slow-and-low smoke and prepared the turkey breasts by pulling them out of the brine and hitting them with a coating of the Rib Rack Sugar-Free BBQ Rub.

The recipe suggests apple wood to create the smoke, but all I had left was some hickory. When my grill was at a cool 275, I popped in my probe thermometer (currently using the ThermoPro TP25 Wireless Meat Thermometer), laid down the bird, closed her up and said goodbye for the next three hours.

When Pops got here, all the sides were nearly ready and so was the bird. He’s a bit of a pitmaster himself, so I’m always eager to impress him with what comes off my grill. Imagine how excited I was when what came off was THIS:

I sliced her up, being sure to include the obligatory taste-test fresh off the smoke, and was so excited for everyone else to try what had just graced my palate. White meat has a reputation for being dry and shitty, but doing a slow smoke and cooking to temp is going to win every time. The turkey had a great color, had just enough smoke flavor so as to be noticeable but not overwhelming and was moist throughout. 

As if that wasn’t enough, I made sure to whip up some quick-and-simple turkey gravy with an additional twist. Again, utilizing Hey Grill Hey, I put together this Smoked Turkey Gravy while my birds rested on the counter. It’s pretty simple gravy (fat + flour + liquid) but after we reached optimal consistency, I sliced the turkey and put it on a plate, then scraped the juices and leftover meat bits from the cutting board into the gravy. It added a beautiful smoke flavor as well as a very nice color.

No pic of that because I’m only recently back in the food blogging saddle, but it was gravy. Here’s another of the turkey:

The turkey was a wild success, earning heaps of praise from my two dinner guests and earning a classic “I did great” laugh that has become my trademark.

As I write this (Saturday morning), I feel as though a bit of the shadow has been lifted from my heart. Over the last three days, I took on a complex cheesecake having never made one and killed it, then I handled the Thanksgiving turkey duties having never done it before and knocked it out of the park as well. Those bits of accomplishment went a long way in boosting my mood and confidence.

It was also nice to see – literally – the entire family lined up by my cheesecake. Not to cut a piece, mind you, but to take photos of it! There was a 10-minute photo session that preceded the cutting of the cheesecake, which was then followed by hoops and hollers, pats on the back, hugs and a few people remembering my name. Once again, food gave me purpose and made me feel loved. Once again, food saved my life.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and can’t wait to drop more updates on you over the next few weeks.

-JS