Alright. The day has finally arrived. A day I once dreaded, then spent the biggest part of the year looking forward to: The Big 4-0. I never thought in a million years that such a milestone birthday would send me down so many existential rabbit holes. This year has been a very strange roller coaster.

For the last five years, I’ve been in a mild panic over my impending 40th birthday. Had I accomplished enough in life? Am I established well enough to accomplish what I hope post-40? I’d later wax philosophical about what it actually means to age, started dissecting society’s image of what aging means and became fully motivated to shove those societal expectations up the world’s metaphorical arse. I went on to spend the majority of the last year getting myself in tip-top shape, determined to show my 40-year-old friends that it doesn’t have to mean “old,” and I’m very proud of my progress.

And just when I thought I had won this battle, the last month has been hell on me. I’ve found myself growing increasingly dissatisfied with my life’s current status quo and feeling as if I have painted myself into a corner professionally despite constant efforts to claw my way out. And the idea of being a parent soon-ish (nothing yet, don’t get excited) has gotten me thinking more about the parenting examples I’ve had over the years, which has frustrated me and uncovered some long-standing attachment trauma that I’ve clearly just suppressed for the last 30 years.

So I’m going into 40 equally proud, frustrated, motivated, afraid, determined, emo, cantankerous and excited. I can’t help but think this is normal despite feeling so strongly like it shouldn’t be. Anyway, in the spirit of reflection – and in accordance with many years of tradition at this point – I present to you 40 things in random categories.

Things I’ve Learned This Year:

1. I started playing the banjo. Katie got me a banjo for Christmas last year and it has been way more challenging than I thought it would be. Fortunately I have the required dexterity from years of playing guitar, but the rolls and pinches are tricky. I’ve been learning from Jim Panky on YouTube and can now play “Cripple Creek,” “Boil Them Cabbage Down” and “Banjo in the Hollow” (slowly, of course. I’m not Earl Scruggs). I can also play barred versions of major chords with a basic roll to kinda fake it with many songs I know how to play on guitar. This basically just means I’m playing a lot of Velvet Underground on banjo, which is still pretty cool.

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2. I also started playing piano. This has been a life goal for many years and it’s been fun, though very challenging. I bought this starter keyboard and have been utilizing lessons from Sarah via Piano Roadmap’s YouTube channel. I’m able to sort-of read music now because of it, but my piano skills are coming along very, very slowly. I can play “Happy Birthday” and “Amazing Grace” fairly well, though I’m slowly learning a simplified version of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by the King.

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3. I also-also started playing mandolin this year. Rounding out the new instruments is the mandolin. I bought this sexy black beginner-grade mandolin and I love it. I haven’t put too much time into it just yet, but I can make simple G, C and D chords and can do some “pickin’” thanks to YouTube lessons from Baron via MandoLessons. I learned how to play an old folk staple called “Get Along Home, Cindy” that I cleverly changed to “Get Along Home, Lady Katie” and can play a rousing rendition of the Dropkick Murphys song “Boys on the Docks.”

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4. I’ve learned most of Green Day’s American Idiot album on guitar. Up until this year, I only knew how to play “American Idiot,” “Jesus of Suburbia” and could fumble through “Holiday” but after seeing the band play the album in full this year, I was inspired to pick up the rest of the record. I’ve cleaned up my rendition of “Holiday” and have also added “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” “Are We the Waiting,” “St. Jimmy,” “Homecoming” and “Whatsername” to my arsenal. I was learning “Give Me Novacaine” and “She’s a Rebel” but jumped to another project.

5. I started casting runes. I have to keep my training manual nearby because I’m new, of course, but it’s helped me regain some of my spirituality. It’s also helped me make some sense of some mega topics I’ve been struggling to understand lately.

6. I lost respect for my childhood hero. The immortal Hulk Hogan has had a special place in my heart since the day I was born. And while I was very disappointed that he put on his dumb little show for Tr*mp at the RNC this year, I was especially disappointed to see him take the stage for a M*GA rally at Madison Square Garden and insinuate our current Vice President has fellated her way to success. It absolutely sickens me that someone I’ve admired for so long would utilize such hateful, misogynist rhetoric in an attempt to sell his stupid patriotic beer. I burned my Hulkamania t-shirt that weekend. Extreme? Maybe, but he no longer has a place in my life.

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7. I learned how to make pasta with an Italian chef in Italy. Learning to make ravioli, pici, tagliatelle and pappardelle under Chef Federico at Podere La Rocca in Montepulciano was one of the highlights of my year. Maybe even my life. I wrote about it in more detail in my post Mangiamo! Eating Italia, Part 3: Montepulciano & Florence.

8. I’ve learned to speak a lot of Italian but also started learning Norwegian. While things may change, I’m hoping our next trip abroad will be Norway so I’ve dipped my toe into learning that language. So far it’s been very slow going. Turns out I picked up Italian a lot faster since it’s Latin-based so it shares a lot of similarities with the Spanish that I already knew. I’m going to be diving a little deeper into Scandinavian culture in the next year, so I plan to get really deep with the language as well.

9. I often can’t stand Americans. It goes without saying that I’m neither impressed nor excited about the way the recent presidential election turned out. For what it’s worth, I’m not being a sore loser and I do accept the outcome. It boggles the mind, however, that so many American citizens would rather vote for a failed businessman who’s also a rapist and felon who will only serve the nation’s elite, has been outspoken about his intention to dissolve American democracy and intends to install a system based on Christian nationalism. Related, it completely breaks my brain trying to figure out how evangelical Christians are so outspokenly supportive of a man who has flagrantly defiled the vows of multiple marriages, is so hateful and vindictive with his message and openly worships money (actually it isn’t hard to believe now that I say this).
   
   It’s very confusing to hear people that I think are otherwise intelligent say Kamala Harris isn’t qualified despite being a graduate of both Howard University and the University of California, Hastings College of Law, served as both District Attorney of San Francisco and Attorney General of California (twice-elected), was a US Senator from 2017-2021 and has served as Vice President for four years … while their candidate of choice boasts a resume that includes bankrupting a casino, sexual assault, defamation, a growing list of organizations to which he still owes money (and will never pay) and a failed presidency that included two impeachments and the inciting an attempted coup.
   
   He has used his own voice to say that he intends to sow distrust in the media so that when they publish reports that aren’t flattering to him, he can call it “fake” and his followers will believe it … and they do. Legitimately intelligent people have fallen for this. As someone who values intellect and logical reasoning, please make it make sense.
   
   You can’t because it doesn’t.

10. I’m learning to code again. I’ve said for over 20 years now that I should have either double-majored or at least gotten a minor in Computer Science in college since I enjoy the logic of coding and programming. At this point, however, most of my programming knowledge is dated and is therefore not useful anymore when it comes to growing one’s resume and opening up job prospects. With this in mind, I’ve embarked on a course load to learn to become a Full-Stack Engineer. So far I’ve brushed up on my HTML5 and CSS3. A lot of stuff I remember, but there have been so many new standards implemented that I feel like I’m starting over. It’s frustrating, but fun to learn. Over the course of the next year, I’ll also be relearning Javascript and SQL Databases, then diving into web security and algorithms.

Accomplishments From This Year

11. I published my first book. TUNE IN AND LOSE YOUR MIND!: How I Created a Cult Classic in Small-Town Tennessee was a book nearly two decades in the making and I was so proud of the fact that I got it out there. Special shoutout to Shannon for always supporting these projects, to Melisa for being my editor, to Dewayne’s World Comics & Games and Snake Eyes Comics for agreeing to help with local distribution and to the small handful of friends and family who have actually read it. It means the world to me to see that out there.
    
    Funny thing about this: Despite my best efforts, platforms outside of Amazon (including, frustratingly, GoodReads) will not allow me to take ownership of this book and insist it was written by another Justin Simpson who authors books on evangelical Christianity. Boy are his fans going to be shocked when they read this one!

12. Bands I saw in concert this year: In This Moment, Kim Dracula, The Linda Lindas, Green Day, Rancid and The Smashing Pumpkins. I was able to score VIP tickets for In This Moment and loved getting to take Katie backstage to meet lead singer Maria Brink, one of her heroes. Favorite show was, of course, Green Day, but I also loved-loved-LOVED seeing the Linda Lindas! Bassist Eloise Wong is currently one of my favorite musicians.

13. New stuff I threw down on the smoker this year: Pork Al Pastor, Lamb Gyro, Chicken Shawarma, smoked Thanksgiving Turkey Breast and Stuffed “Whiskey” Meatloaf. I also perfected the formula for flawless steak every time.

14. I built a badass garden bed despite not knowing how. I’m very proud of this one. So proud that I wrote a whole thing about it in The Mature Manure – A Garden Story.

15. I did my first convention as a vendor. This is something I’ve always wanted to do after more than two decades of attending shows as a fan. Did it cost me money in the end? Yes, but I’ll forever cherish that weekend. I wrote about it in CreepyCon 2024, In Retrospect.

16. We visited Italy and it was every bit the life-changing vacation I needed it to be. While there, I got my first glimpse at the many ways the European way of life is superior to ours, enjoyed nothing but amazing food (with one exception), remained healthy while strictly following the “pizza diet” and came face-to-face with some of the world’s most extravagant works of art. I loved it so much, I wrote about it many times, first in my foodie series Mangiamo! Eating Italia – Part 1: Orvieto, Part 2: Massa & Cinque Terre, Part 3: Montepulciano & Florence, Part 4: Assisi and Part 5: Rome. I also published Italia: Lessons Learned on my author website.

17. Another great trip: Cincinnati. Travel was kinda sparse this year in comparison to previous years but since one of our trips involved a European country, I think we get a pass. We did get a chance to explore Cincinnati (Katie’s first time) while going to the Green Day show back in August. We stayed at the very cool Symphony Hotel, saw an incredible show at Great American Ball Park and enjoyed a delightful lunch at Findlay Market. I do believe we will be replacing Nashville with Cincinnati when it comes to seeing bigger touring bands who don’t stop in Knoxville.

18. I achieved a lifelong dream of going to Vatican City (Stato della Cittá del Vaticano). This piggybacks on #16, I guess, but I’ve made it its own entry because it was a goal within a goal. It’s funny because I have dabbled in a variety of spiritualities over the years and while I have never been and will never be Catholic, I’ve always been extremely fascinated by Catholicism. While there, I got to tour the Vatican Museum (Musei Vaticani), walked through the Gallery of Maps (Galleria delle carte geografiche) and stood in awe inside the Sistine Chapel (Cappella Sisina). I hung out in St. Peter’s Square (Piazza San Pietro) and saw one of my favorite pieces of art (mentioned later) in St. Peter’s Basilica (Basilica di San Pietro).

19. Books I’ve read: Myths and Tales of the American Indians by Ed J. Bierhorst, Lou Reed: A Life by Anthony DeCurtis, Nordic Runes: Understanding, Casting and Interpreting the Ancient Viking Oracle by Paul Rhys Mountfort and Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi. My book count for the year is sparse in comparison to previous years due to a health issue I’ll discuss shortly. I’m happy to say I’m back at it, though, and am currently reading both The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas and A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens simultaneously. Also, I have finally dipped my toe into the world of audiobooks (thanks to my Spotify premium account) and am presently going through 101 Essays That will Change The Way You Think by Brianna Wiest.

20. I celebrated 40 in Disney World. If there’s a better way to celebrate 35 and 40 than a childless trip to the Most Magical Place on Earth, I don’t know what it is! Katie and I spent five days eating, drinking and riding our way through Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom, walking 76,862 steps or 40.4 miles total. We noshed on the best fish and chips we’d ever had, tracked down massive ice cream sandwiches, slurped frozen rum and cokes and dined in the Beast’s castle. Our feet hurt, our bellies are full and we’re ready to tackle this next year. Eating Disney World post coming soon-ish.

Highlights

21. Best food of the year: Pane, Burro e Alici (Bread, Butter and Anchovies) at FE3.Ø in Orvieto; Speck e Mascarpone Pizza at L’Inferno in Massa; Pea Risotto with Goat Cheese, Ginger and Sweetbreads at Ristorante Podere La Rocca in Montepulciano; The Comodo Pizza with Truffles and Sun-Dried Tomatoes at Comodo Mercato Trevi in Rome; Lobster Poutine at Barlion’s Seafood & Poultry at Cincinnati’s Findlay Market; Fish and Chips at Rose & Crown at Disney World’s Epcot.

22. Best drinks of the year: Our first Aperol Spritz at Caffé del Teatro in Orvieto; Limoncello on our private patio at the agriturismo in Massa; PB&J Negroni at Brother Wolf in Knoxville; Podere La Rocca Five-Year Port (paired with almond biscotti) at Ristorante Podere La Rocca in Montepulciano; La Luz (mandarin-and-rum-liqueur-based cocktail) at Maya Grill at Disney’s Coronado Springs Resort.

23. Famous art I saw: Stepping into Galleria degli Uffizi in Florence, we saw Judith Slaying Holofernes by Artemisia Gentileschi (1620), Rucellai Madonna by Duccio di Buoninsegna (1285), Medusa by Caravaggio (1597), Diptych of Federico da Montefeltro and Battista Sforza by Piero della Francesca (1473-1475), Venus of Urbino by Titian (1543) and The Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli (1484-1486). There was The Transfiguration by Raphael (1516-1520) in the Vatican Museum in Vatican City, The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo (1512) in the Sistine Chapel in Vatican City, David by Donatello (1435-1440) at Palazzo del Bargello in Florence and my two favorites: Michelangelo’s David (1501-1504) at Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence and Michelangelo’s Pietá (1498-1499) at St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City.

24. I finally got into the Terrifyer series. After a couple years of seeing this Art character, I finally broke down the weekend of CreepyCon and watched the first two films. I don’t care much for modern horror, think clowns are “easy” and overdone, and assumed the worst with this one, but I’m happy to welcome Art the Clown into the stable of classic slashers.

25. Bands I’ve gotten into: Ice Nine Kills, The Dead South, Chappell Roan, Olivia Rodrigo, Taylor Swift, Neptunian Maximalism, Otoboke Beaver and Gnome. As much as I love Chappell and Olivia, I think my favorite this year has been Otoboke Beaver.

26. I messed up my eye back in April and it’s still not “right.” After a 10-hour flight from Charlotte into Rome, I noticed my vision was a little off. It felt like I had just woken up, only the feeling never went away. By the time we were in Orvieto, I was a little panicky but I didn’t want Katie to know. This got worse when I noticed my left eye’s depth perception was way off. It couldn’t register straight lines (all straight lines appeared wavy) and the color white was appearing yellow. I made the mistake of Googling my symptoms and ended up getting emotional off and on throughout our trip because I feared I was losing my vision. As it turns out, it was a “classic” case of fluid buildup behind my retina that was likely caused by the change in pressure that is common with international flights. The specialist told me it would go away on its own in 4-5 months, then charged me $200 for no treatment, no plan and no medication. It’s now been six months. I could barely read menus the whole time we were in Italy and reading in general was very difficult for me. I’ve since been wearing my glasses and the symptoms have improved, though not completely. I’m happy to report that after four months of being unable to read, I have been able to enjoy my books again.

27. I finally started watching Breaking Bad. I remember when this show came out, I was very irritated about it. It’s impossible to like just about anything when you work in an office with a group of people who do nothing in their spare time. I knew the show was a commercial success and knew I’d probably like it, but I was so sick of hearing people talk about it and spout off all kinds of hardcore spoilers every week. At that point, I didn’t care if I ever watched it. Anyway, we’ve finally gotten around to watching and I’m really enjoying it. We’re currently toward the end of Season Two.

28. I got zero tattoos this year. This is a drag because that would have been 40 tattoos for year 40. This is, however, subject to change based on the availability of an artist I want to work with after Christmas while we’re in Kingsport. I have a few plans for more tattoos next year, including a cartoon portrait of Wednesday so she can join Brüe and Ozzy on my leg, Thor’s right hand doing something I haven’t determined yet somewhere on the right side of my body, matching black heart tattoos with Katie, the name of our first child (whoever that is) and the Futhark symbol for Algiz somewhere I haven’t decided. I really wanted to get a tattoo in Italy but changed my mind after befriending a fellow punker who was a bartender at a cool spot we found in Massa. He told me to not do it because “as soon as they find out you’re a tourist, they fuck you.” I’m flattered, but no thanks. *UPDATE* I now have a tattoo scheduled for the Saturday after Christmas. I’m getting that 40th after all!

29. I found out I have actual Viking lineage. And not only that, but Viking royalty. It starts on my paternal grandfather’s side. Nine generations ago, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was born in 1726 in Aberdeen, Scotland, to parents who eventually immigrated to the United States (Virginia) in 1730. 

Three generations prior, the lineage finds itself in both London and Wales in the United Kingdom, then another 16 generations earlier in Normandy, France. Four generations prior to this, Norway comes into the picture via Richard the Dane de Cotentin, Viscount of St. Sauver de Cotentin, who was born to Malahulc Eysteinsson, Earl of More in Norway in the year 845. 

Eysteinsson’s maternal grandmother was Thora Tora Sigurdssdotter, who was born to mother Heluna Ællasdottir, Princess of Northumbria, and father Sigurd “Snake-in-the-Eye” Ragnarsson, King of Zealand, Scania and Halland. Sigurd is said to be one of the many sons of legendary Viking Ragnar Lodbrok and the fair Queen Aslaug. He was also part of the Great Heathen Army who busted up into England and avenged the death of Ragnar, ultimately killing King Ælla of Northumbria, his wife’s father.

Viking culture has been a big part of my life for over a decade now and when people would ask about my heritage, I had to admit I didn’t know. I never looked into it because I was afraid of what I’d find out. Now I’m glad I did.

30. I found a new “Happy Place” this year: Back porch on a cool morning, standing in front of my Blackstone making pancakes and sausage, sipping hot coffee and listening to Taylor Swift. Bliss.

31. I got to attend an Edgar Allan Poe Speakeasy Event. This was at the Relix in Happy Holler and it was a BLAST! Katie, Aaron and I donned our best period-appropriate attire (meaning I got to wear my pork pie and Aaron wore my flat cap) and enjoyed a rousing live performance of Poe classics The Raven, The Tell-Tale Heart, the Black Cat and The Masque of the Red Death. Each story was told with vigor and paired with creative, on-theme and VERY tasty cocktails.

32. I Met Danny Trejo, Maria Brink and Clive Standen. I was very proud to be able to upgrade our In This Moments tickets to VIP Experience tickets back in May so Katie could meet her idol, leader singer Maria Brink. I have a lot of respect for her as well, so getting to meet her was a wonderful moment this year. Getting to see Katie’s response was even better. 

Next, my boy Aaron and I hit up the Smoky Mountain Terror convention in Kingsport in June where we got to meet Clive Standen, known for his role as Rollo on the History Channel original series Vikings. 

Finally, known for his roles in the Devil’s Rejects, Breaking Bad, Machete, From Dusk Till Dawn and Desperado, I was super excited to meet Danny Trejo. He came to my community college alma mater many years ago and I was upset that I didn’t get to see him, but all was made well in the world when he came to Knoxville’s FanBoy Expo in July.

Health & Wellness

33. I trained enough to do another 5k. This is really cool because I started my wellness journey with a 5k training program and hit my first goal by completing the Hot-to-Trot Thanksgiving Day 5K in Turkey Creek 10 years ago. I’ve since ran more 5ks than I can count, did two 10ks and two half-marathons … but I haven’t been a serious runner in probably five years or more. I’d started – and quit – the old-fashioned “couch-to-5k” program about 3-4 times in the last four years but I just never got “it” back. Then my bro Aaron suggested we tackle Knoxville’s Whiskey Run in November. I’m at a point in my life where I try to take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves so I said yes immediately, but then regretted it. UGH NOW I HAVE TO TRAIN! But I did it. I followed a nine-week program that got me back in action and was able to get myself back into 5k shape just before my 40th birthday! That’s icing on the cake a decade in the making. I wrote about it in Gotta Keep a’Runnin’ – Knoxville Whiskey Run.

34. My body comp has changed by a bunch. I’ve worked very hard this year getting my body and health in as tight and tip-top condition as possible before I turn 40. I’ve built myself back up into 5K shape, completed Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Advanced Foundations Program via the Pump app, lost 16 pounds and dropped my blood pressure to the lowest it’s been in years. My nutrition has been (mostly) in check and I even did a three-month stint with a nutrition coach team (Totality Living Well). To be honest, I don’t know how much my body fat has gone down because my bathroom scale doesn’t measure accurately, but you be the judge. I think I’ve done really well this year.

35. Favorite anabolic breakfast: protein pancakes, sausage, fruit and protein shake. Lately we’ve been adding milk and eggs to Kodiak Power Cakes mix that we get from Costco, throwing it down on the Blackstone alongside Chicken Sausage Links (also from Costco) and topping it all with fresh blueberries and sugar-free syrup. I then pair it with a protein shake made with a single scoop of Ascent 100% Native Whey Protein Blend (Chocolate). There are three pancakes and three pieces of sausage per serving, an eyeballed “handful” of blueberries and about a single serving of syrup (the syrup only adds 5 calories so whatever). It’s a hearty breakfast that clocks in at 464 calories, 52g protein, 32g carbs and 13g fat.

36. Favorite anabolic lunch: grilled chicken caesar salad. I toss about 100g of fresh romaine with Ken’s Steak House Light Creamy Caesar Salad Dressing then top it with two large chicken thighs (the size by the gram varies) that I’ve marinated in Italian dressing and grilled over open flame. I toss in a single serving (by the gram) of croutons and finish with a single serving (by the gram) of frozen sweet potato fries. A little more on the calorie-dense side but it’s still high in protein and gives me a good dose of carbs in the middle of my day: 646 calories, 45g protein, 28g carbs, 40g fat.

37. I finally left Facebook. In the months leading up to the recent presidential election, I found myself thinking deeply about people with whom I interact. When I speak to someone in person, I have a knack for determining where they are intellectually. At the risk of sounding like a real dick, if I determine you either aren’t or simply can’t get to my level, I refuse to entertain a conversation with you about politics or religion. 

I value facts over fallacies, logic over rhetoric, and it seems the vast majority of “good ol’ boys” and M*GA brainfarts do not. For the sake of my relationships, I have refused to engage with these people in face-to-face interactions. I, however, find it extremely difficult to not engage with people whom I consider intellectually inferior on Facebook. I have been called names, been threatened with violence and blocked more times than I can count, and 100% of the time it was by someone using logical fallacies … and I love calling that out.

Despite enjoying this so much, I found myself growing increasingly frustrated with the state of humanity based on how people present themselves on Facebook. I’ve already had a problem with this platform for years because I think people put too much emphasis on it. And it’s very strange, because a lot of it comes from Boomers or Gen-Xers who at one time would have told me online interaction is neither real nor valuable. These same people now view Facebook interaction as equal to the real world. It’s silly. Facebook is basically a video game and I refuse to take it seriously.

If you’re a Boomer or a Gen-Xer, please know that this maybe isn’t directed at you. However, if the shoe fits …

Anyway, I just decided I was wasting too much time farming this fictional world and had grown weary of poking M*GA bears in their racist little bellies. I started by deleting the app from my phone, but then decided to just cut it all together. No, I am not coming back. Text me if you want to keep up or follow me on Instagram. Put some effort in.

Goals for 2025

38. I am going to become the master of pizza. There will be so many experiments and so many pizza nights – for dates, for family, for friends or even just for myself. I’m planning to build a custom stand for an outdoor pizza oven I hope to either get for Yule or buy myself for Yule and for the rest of the year I plan to be covered in 00 flour, bread flour and fresh tomatoes. And yes, since this blog is about to turn back into a food-and-running blog, I’ll be discussing.

39. I’m doing a road trip through Norway. Though not really. It’s a fitness, culture and foodie goal for the year that I’ll be sharing more about in the coming weeks.

One More Thing

40. I’ve turned a personality page and will no longer be apologetic for who I am. It’s kind of funny how life works. While I didn’t notice a huge shift between ages 19 and 20, there was a MAJOR shift between ages 29 and 30. I wanted a motorcycle, I wanted to grow a beard, I wanted to start a family, I wanted to get fit and I wanted to wear tank tops everywhere. I was in the middle of a spiritual awakening and wanted so much more out of life. The next decade involved more stress, more emotions, more chaos and more hurt, yet somehow more success than any other era of my life. 

I was told a similar thing would happen between 39 and 40, and it’s true.

I recently told Katie that I’m sick of playing the stupid game of life by constantly diluting myself for the sake of being liked or accepted. I’ve spent 10 years getting to know and appreciate the “real” me and it seems really phony to me to edit or otherwise censor the very things that make me authentically me for fear of what someone might think. The second we’re born we begin the slow process of dying and I just don’t have time to experience a life that’s hindered by someone else’s dufus and terribly flawed opinion.

With that said, my name is Justin. I’m 40 years old.

• Yes, I’d love a sour beer, a glass of wine or champagne, a rum-and-diet-coke or some mead; No, I don’t want to “go out drinking.” I enjoy some drinks but find the acts of going out for drinks, day drinking and bar hopping abysmal, unattractive and disrespectful.
• I’ve been the family progressive my entire life and that likely will never change – get over it. I am also very passionate about many topics and do not care what cute name you want to call me (behind my back of course, cowards).
• I read philosophy books and listen to jazz records. I don’t care if you think this makes me a Richard.
• Fair warning: I will publicly call you out if you’re being racist, misogynist or homophobic in my presence. I will also ask you to leave if you do it in my home. And no, family doesn’t get a pass.
• I don’t skip workouts. I know we’re all having a great time slamming drinks tonight, but I have a routine and I have goals. If you want to stay out screaming at each other and tell me that is “having fun,” be my guest, but I’m going to bed.
• I do not and will not subscribe to any form of masculinity that I deem toxic. I’m not into going out to objectify women. I don’t want to “watch the game.” I don’t want to jerk myself off with a firearm. You can make fun of me and I can live the rest of my life with very few guy friends, but that just is what it is.
• I follow a spiritual path many would call “pagan,” but truthfully I hate this type of compartmentalization. Yes, the old gods are involved and yes there’s an altar, but my spirituality is way more complex. I know this scares many of you, but just know that attacks will be met with harsher attacks and you won’t care much for how it ends. Psychologically speaking, fear usually comes from a desire to want to understand something, so I’m happy to chat if you ever want to learn. However, it does not – and will not – involve you if you don’t want it to. Yes, I have studied the Bible thoroughly and have read it all-the-way through multiple times so don’t start quoting shit at me. And for what it’s worth, quoting the Bible will never convince those of us who do not follow its teachings that it’s the “word of god.” If you think about it even a little bit, this tactic makes no sense.
• I’ve been a punker for more than half of my life and that will never change. It isn’t a fashion statement or a trend or even a taste in music as much as it is a mindset. I do not respect people just because they have money, and while I see nothing wrong with trying to do well for yourself, money will never be a goal for me. Also, I am not fully anti-establishment, though I am loudly opposed to any form of establishment that hinders, punishes or otherwise holds back minorities of any kind – even if the solution involves personal inconvenience. Tax the rich, tax the church, freedom and equality for all.

Take it or leave it.

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Looking back on last year’s birthday post, it looks like I kinda killed my 40th year. Going to Italy, publishing my book and exploring foreign territory with my smoker satisfied three of the four goals I had set for myself. The aforementioned soul-hole is still gaping and growing ever wider, though I do feel like I have some form of control over it. I plan to mend further this year by writing songs, learning instruments, building shit … and apparently becoming a father. And all of the breaking news will be written about here, just like it has for the last 14 years.

I love you guys.

-JS