It was a beautiful day out when I made the move from Kingsport to Morganton, North Carolina. It was my first time living away from home and I was hyped. My parents were excited for me, of course, but my mom was incredibly sad to see me leave the nest. I had saved up a few months’ worth of money to cover my bills, brought along my guitars and my worn-out, old bed frame. Everything I needed, really.

I lived in a small, unassuming apartment just outside of downtown. It had two bedrooms and a covered back porch. Glamorous it was not, but it was super cute for a starter apartment. This is where I learned to be truly independent, where I first had my name on a lease, and where I started taking an interest in cooking.

I had a college degree, but the happenings as described in my best-selling book* TUNE IN AND LOSE YOUR MIND! How I Created a Cult Classic in Small-Town Tennessee had left me unemployed and looking for work. Not surprisingly, moving to a town that was somehow even smaller than Kingsport made the job hunt even more difficult. I freelanced as a graphic designer, web designer, and writer, but nothing of financial value ever materialized. It was time to start looking outside of my degree. Income, no matter how little, was still income, and at that point in my life, I needed anything I could get.

_{*It’s my only book, so technically it’s MY best seller!}

This was back in the olden days when you could look for jobs in the local newspaper. I remember sitting at my dining room table one morning reading the Morganton News Herald when I came across a job posting for Sales Manager In Training with Combined Insurance. I’d never taken any interest in insurance, but I knew there was money in it, and the title of manager sounded appealing. It’s embarrassing to say, but I was naive enough to think that I could just walk into a management position simply because I had a college degree.

A Bit About Combined

The Combined Insurance Company is a supplemental insurance provider that claims to help the otherwise insured cover costs that aren’t medical in nature – mortgages, internet bills, etc. Premiums are inexpensive and the additional benefit makes the product alluring.

The reality, however, is that while Combined Insurance provides insurance that is, indeed, supplemental, its primary customer target is people who are either unemployed or hold jobs with no health benefits. The budget-friendly premiums of the insurance made the supplemental benefit an attractive option for people who didn’t have any other benefits to speak of.

The day-to-day job required in-person sales, with agents going door-to-door either renewing existing policies or doing cold calls in neighborhoods near where you were working that day. While we were based in Catawba County, we worked a five-county region that included Burke, Avery, McDowell and Watauga Counties. We’d spend a week at a time in the neighboring counties, renewing policies and visiting some of the most impoverished areas of Western North Carolina.

Sales school educated us in the fine art of hard sales, which included acknowledging that a homeowner taking a backward step in their own doorway was an invitation inside, and the infamous McCabe Nod technique. We were taught a sales script that I somehow still remember much of to this day and were encouraged to act as hypemen for other agents who were in the room if they were giving a sales pitch.

One of the more notable lines in the script was “We’ll pay you if you’re sick, we’ll even pay you if you’re sick and tired! hahahahaha! Honestly, though, we don’t do that but …” Even the forced laughter was scripted, and if you were a fellow agent in the room, you had to laugh, too.

(There was also another version in a different pitch that said, “We’ll pay you if you’re hurt, we’ll even pay you if your feelings are hurt! Hahaha! Honestly, though, we don’t do that, but …”)

Having to force laughter at a bad joke in the presence of your colleagues and the unsuspecting would-be customer was rough, but that was merely a small part of the team participation the company practiced. In sales school, we were taught to loudly perform affirmations in unison, which included:

I got the fuel, I got the fire, I got the burning desire!

I feel healthy! I feel happy! I feel terrific!

And in response to a leader asking “What kind of day are you having?”: A PMA Day! (PMA standing for Positive Mental Attitude).

Meetings would be held every morning before we hit the field, sometimes at the home office, other times at random a Bojangles in the county where we were working. During those meetings, our manager would sometimes announce a big win someone on the team had, which would illicit a round of applause. Other times a win that was good, but not great, would get “one clap” that was exactly that: the whole team clapping one time in unison, almost like the offensive lineup breaking out of a huddle.

Either way, we’d end the meetings – even at Bojangles – by reciting the affirmations. Those meetings were more akin to a religious tent revival than professional base-touching.

Sales agents were paid strictly on a commission basis, earning 10% commission on every renewal, 30% on upgrades to existing customers and 45% on sales to new customers. You were encouraged to make as much as possible during those early years, not just so you could earn a handsome salary, but also because the company offered a residual benefit to agents who’d been with the company a certain number of years, the amount of which was based on the amount in sales you’d made up until that point.

A variety of non-financial bonuses were also awarded, including everything from new kitchen appliances to cruise vacations.

All you had to do was sell worthless insurance to people who couldn’t afford anything else. Their business model is effective and you could make a lot of money doing it, but I found it cold, insensitive, and eventually, unbearable.

Back to The Story

I applied for the job, and to my surprise, I was called almost immediately. I was told over the phone that I wouldn’t need any previous experience because they handle all the training. And as far as qualifications go, I surmised that as long as you didn’t have a criminal record, could read and tell time, they would consider you a viable candidate. I agreed to an in-person interview, and within seconds had one scheduled at their office in Hickory the very next day.

I remember showing up to the interview unsure if I’d made it to the right place. I didn’t have a GPS yet and my MapQuest directions had taken me to a building with no signage anywhere. I double-checked the address, then triple-checked it, before forcing my way in through the only available door. I walked up the stairs to the correct suite, opened the door only to find an empty reception desk. At this point I’d been in the building for about three minutes, in the middle of a workday, and not only had I not seen anyone but I hadn’t even heard as much as a breath being taken inside.

Just before I spun around on my heels to retreat back to my vehicle, I heard a door creak open and a throat clearing. I was about to meet someone who would change my world…

To be continued, of course.

-jtf

This is post 4 of 30 in my most recent attempt at tackling NaBloPoMo. Funsies and such.