02/16/2010

I love classic rock’n’roll…I love Prince and Madonna…I squint my eyes when I smile…My genuine laughter usually begins with a rather large HA…I use my shoulders a lot when I dance in the car, and I do that often…I not only like time to myself, I NEED it to stay sane…I love Burger King over all fast food chains…I’m not, and never have been, much of a fruit eater and when given the choice of a piece of chocolate cake or apple, I will always go for the cake…I like to have normal conversations in opera voice…Did I mention most of our facial features are exactly like? Yep, there’s no doubt in my mind that I am my mother’s son.

But then what? It would appear at first that I don’t have any of my dad’s qualities. And why is the color of my hair different from everyone else’s in the family? Do I even know who my real dad is? Was my dad the mail man? The milk man? Jon Bon Jovi? (In your dreams, mom…although that would be super cool…) So what is the deal, here? I have several qualities that I don’t think anyone in my family has, such as:

I have a strange attraction to vampire-esque girls, the occult, monsters and beasts…I have blonde hair, but my facial hair is red, almost as if I’ve been created from different creatures…When I’m upset, sometimes I destroy things and usually don’t realize I’ve done it…I often get zits on the side of my neck, much like bolts…

That settles it…My dad is Herman Munster. He’s 195 years old and has the hots for vampire women…Not sure if my mom ever was a vampire (I’m pretty sure she isn’t anymore, at least), but either way, this explains a lot…I may now rest easy.