I’m growing more and more impatient today as I wait for responses from fewer people than I was waiting on them from a week ago. Sometimes I wish I could get a tattoo of Edgar Allan Poe on the inside of one wrist and Vincent Price on the other, perfect portraits, both in black, but sometimes Price turns into Houdini and in the labyrinth of my brain the feelings for both horror and magic disappear and wonder if I shouldn’t just get a tattoo of my mom next…A shopping spree would be nice but we’re about to buy a house, or at least, I think we’re about to buy a house, so no more waffle fries – pineapples – popcorn – biscuits – bread slices – powdered donuts – kidney beans – pinto beans – kitty litter – tootsie rolls – pieces of broken glass are going to be out in my yard. We don’t live on a friggin’ farm, it’s an apartment, you inbred. I’ve wondered today if I have a phobia of having my teeth fall out because I’m starting to truly believe what I’ve mistaken for a cracked crown was indeed just my mind cracking a little bit because my teeth often feel just fine. I’ve half made an appointment with the dentist because because because because because because of the wonderful things he does. There, it just happened…While writing this blog I sneezed and immediately felt the back of my front teeth with my tongue. I searched online for a while today and found no such known phobia but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Mellow Mushroom tricked me into eating dinner there last night under the guise of claiming a free t-shirt that I won in a contest entered only by me. Pineapple, Ham, Mushroom and delight filled my plate last night. My iPod is about to die because I have been playing “words” with four different people today and am almost to the end with 2 of them and the other two haven’t played in 3 hours which tells me I’m the victor even though I’m 99% certain I’m about to lose the other two. Why are we so obsessed with victory? Is it because of our egos? We say we don’t have them but I tell you, we certainly do. It’s one of my biggest struggles spiritually. Yes I’m aware God hates pride and ego is nothing but pride and yes, I actually think of myself as someone who doesn’t have much of an ego but when it boils down to it I’m an ego maniac and so are you and that’s why we’re horrible terrible ugly and inhuman people but at least we have the undying love and grace of the one true God almighty to forgive us of our shortcomings. Otherwise we’d all be pretty screwed and I don’t like to be screwed by anyone except Mrs. Simpson. Yes, I did rip that off from Pulp Fiction and I’m proud of you for getting the reference, now wipe that smile off your face, rip that ego out of your heart and tell yourself that in the scheme of things you are NOTHING and you’ll never be anything and the only way you can get around it is to become happy with what you have and what you have going on even if it is literally NOTHING. We live in a world where if you can spell “computer” you’re automatically the IT guy but please don’t break your stuff or screw anything up because I’m still impatient today and I don’t have to tell you anything.

Enjoy it

Come on, somebody
Accept our offer today
I don’t hate garbage *

*but I do