07/18/2010

I told Erin I’d do this…So here goes:

This is the story of how Trudy came into our lives.

Once, in a kingdom far, far away, lived the fairest of maidens. She lived in a lavishly large bedroom on the 3rd floor of her father’s castle, the King of the Shire. The maiden was young, but at an age where she needed companionship. Unfortunately, her father would not let her date outside of the family, and it was torturous to the fair maiden and she longed to be rescued from the King’s castle nightly.

Her cries were finally heard once, as a young man named Barnett came from a land far away and attempted to break into the castle to rescue the maiden. He was unsuccessful, however, as he was found by the castle guards, taken before the King and his court and was sentenced to death by dragon’s fire. The maiden was forced to watch as her hero was burned alive before her.

Months later, another contender arrived, a gentleman by the name of Harris. Harris knew of Barnett’s misfortune and took a different approach. Throwing rocks up at what he thought was the window of the maiden he had come to rescue, Harris realized he had made an error when the King himself, awoken from a deep slumber, peered down at the young man. He was caught by the castle guards, brought before the King and his court and he, too, was sentenced to death by Dragon’s fire. The fair maiden had lost all hope of ever being rescued from her father.

Until the day the maiden heard of a battle being held in the courtyard. Hearing stories from some of the castle’s guards, the maiden found out that a young woman by the name of Erin had come to rescue the maiden from her 3rd story bedroom. Instead of heroics, Erin had gone straight to the King herself and requested to take the maiden away. Most people would have instantly been taken to the dragon, but the King did not sentence Erin to this fate. It was a queer situation at the kingdom.

The maiden watched as Erin suited up in her chain mail she had purchased at Target the night before and situated herself on top of a horse. The king was doing the same as he prepared for the biggest jousting event to ever take place at this particular kingdom. The winner could have the maiden, and the King never lost. After getting into position and hearing the signal to start, Erin and the King charged at each other and when they got within reach of the other, they both missed. This continued up until very late into the night.

By about 2 am, the King was extremely worn out, yet Erin had determination in her eyes. The night was lit by the flames of torches all around, and the entire kingdom gasped as the King took off towards the fearless young lady. This time, however, the King was knocked off of his horse and fell to the ground. Afterward the fair maiden broke free from the guards and ran out to Erin, falling into her embrace. They then took part in the slowest, sensual lesbianic kiss.

The King knew that he had been defeated and got back up to his feet. The entire audience was taken by surprise as the King stood, and something extremely surprising took place behind his back. The fair maiden had transformed into a Pekingese and Pug mix, black and white, 6 pounds.

The king explained that it was a curse brought onto her at an early age, and he was only being so protective because he did not want her to know her true form. Knowing that her and the fair maiden could not be together, Erin fell deeply in love with the King and they became married. It was later announced that the maiden’s name was…Trudy.

Enjoy today’s haiku:

It’s Lego Batman
And a nice, home made pizza
That complete Sunday

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