In a study entitled The Psychological Appeal of Movie Monsters” written and arranged by Stuart Fischoff, Alexandra Dimopoulos, Francois Nguyen and Rachel Gordon in the Journal of Media Psychology 10 (located here), the terrifying, silent killer from John Carpenter’s Halloween franchise, Michael Myers is described by the general public as “Pure Evil” and is considered to be the horror figure with the most “psychological problems”, possibly stemming from how he saw his smoking hot sister having sex that ultimately resulted in her murder. Whether you condone walking in on your sister having sex while dressed as a clown, clown-induced incest or even murder as a logical reaction to witnessing such events, one cannot deny the terrifying presence of Michael Myers (or “The Shape” as he was listed in the original Halloween credits). The man is huge, indestructible, and while he is slow, he WILL find you. More terrifying than anything else is how silent he is paired with the emotionless facial features made present by the mask he sports. Point being, Michael Myers is one scary dude-

-and that’s why places like Spirit Halloween have a life-size animatronics of the character. Tonight we made our way to the local Spirit to see if they had their animatronics on display yet and, indeed, they do. Our first stop was the tremendously terrifying Freddy Krueger as portrayed by Jackie Earle Haley in the latest Nightmare on Elm Street film. So absolutely horrific this figure was with his loud, boisterous voice, his animated fingers and moving lips. His skin and eyes were so realistic I ended up having a eye on him for the remainder of the time we were in his vicinity. Next door was Pinhead from Hellraiser, a character I respect as he was created by one of horror’s true masters, Clive Barker, but was disappointed in his appearance. He looked rather happy, and while he spoke famous lines from the Hellraiser movies, he seemed more like a guy you’d have over for beer than someone who was supposed to make the trick-or-treaters boom boom in their pants.

And finally, Michael Myers:

What does Michael Myers say? Nothing. So aside from his menacing appearance, what more could this figure actually do? We press the button, and the worn-out theme from the Halloween series begins playing, and Michael mechanically twists from side to side, turns his head once or twice, and lifts his arm that holds his shiny trademark knife. The eyes were the eyes of the devil, of someone who has demons deeper than anyone should ever have to experience, the very shape of his body was the stuff nightmares are made of. Erin looks up at him and in a moment that can only be characterized as pure bravery and (for lack of better term) balls, implored, “…is that all he does?”

And THAT’S why I married her, ladies and gentlemen.

Enjoy today’s haiku:

Speaking of boom boom
I hear one calling my name
Boom boom, boom boom, BOOM