There aren’t many things you remember from your early childhood. The phenomenon is known as childhood amnesia and its many intricacies are still highly debated in the world of neuroscience. I can’t say that I have many pre-kindergarten memories, but I feel like I’ve held on to a good number. One of those earliest memories is a trip to Disney World with my Gran, Paps and my great-grandmother. I don’t remember much about the parks, but I’ll never forget insisting that we buy my girlfriend Ashley a gift before we left.

Ashley and I were glued together in pre-school. At the young age of four, we would walk down the hallways of Pow-Wow (our daycare’s terrible name) holding hands and smooching each other on the cheek every few seconds. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I visited the Most Magical Place on Earth and didn’t bring her something? We opted for a comb, mirror and brush set with Minnie Mouse print. I was so proud to deliver that to her when I got home.

Shortly after this, Ashley and I started kindergarten at separate schools. While this was a hard pill to swallow, we didn’t get the chance to understand the complexity of such an arrangement, as she immediately broke up with me for a first grader.

Fast forward 35 years and you’ll find me sitting on a bed at Disney’s Coronado Springs Resort in Orlando, asking “what’s the problem?” after Katie lets out a worried expletive. She’d forgotten her brush at home and would have to use my comb on her long blonde hair. “Oh my god!” I exclaimed after realizing I had the chance to buy a Minnie Mouse brush set for a woman who wouldn’t leave me for an older man!

Katie and I were in Disney World to celebrate our 35th and 40th birthdays respectfully and while I was looking forward to exploring the parks with my bride (her first time) and riding the many rides, I think we were most excited about checking out the food situation. For weeks leading up to our vacation, we watched YouTube videos that described each park’s many restaurants, specialty cocktails and snack options. We made notes – both mental and physical – about where we wanted to go and what we wanted to try.

My second time ever in Disney World was when I was eight years old. I had gone with my parents and I remember not caring for the food. To be fair, I was a picky eater at the time, but even my parents agreed that the food sucked considering the price tag. I had learned over the years (and confirmed after visiting Disney again in my 20s) that the food situation has greatly improved, however. Disney World now not only boasts a variety of delicious treats but is widely considered a top foodie destination in the United States! We were SO hyped to chow down with Mickey and his friends!

I’m not going to go over every little thing we had, but I do want to call out many of the highlights from our excursions through Disney World’s four parks and shopping center. I’m also going to bitch a little about Disney’s Dining Plan.

DISNEY SPRINGS

We arrived at Disney’s Coronado Springs Resort late in the afternoon on a Monday. We found our room, unpacked, rested a bit, then made our way to the bus stop to visit Disney Springs where we had a dinner reservation. Dinner time was still a few hours away, but we wanted to check out the shops, see the sights and maybe grab an appetizer, which we did at a place called Paradiso 37.

Paradiso 37 is a pan-Latin restaurant that specializes in tequila-based cocktails and putting Latin/Caribbean spins on classic dishes. We started with a Category 5 cocktail (Rum, grenadine, banana liqueur, pineapple juice and fresh lime juice) and a Caribbean Mule (Rum, lime juice and ginger beer). We paired our aperitivi with a Big Smoke Poutine appetizer that was super tasty despite taking many liberties with the concept of poutine. The fries were topped with “country gravy,” fried cheese curds, brisket burnt ends, Alabama white bbq sauce, cherry peppers and green onions. I give our appetizer 4 / 5 Latin-Inspired, Deep-Fried Mickey Cheese Curds.

Our dinner reservations were at Spanish tapas restaurant Jaleo by José Andrés, which we enjoyed but also encountered our first gripe. I find it unacceptable that restaurants at Disney can participate in the dining plan but require two credits per person. In my opinion, they should either require one credit per person or simply not be on the plan. Anyway, we coughed up four table-service credits on this dinner.

First Course:

The Ensalata Verde was more-or-less a “normal” salad. Nothing to write home about. The Pan de Cristal con Tomate was a different story, however. It’s such a simple concept: crusty bread brushed with fresh tomato … but there’s something so beautiful about the simplicity.

Second Course:

Course two started with Pimientos del Piquillo Rellenos de Setas y Queso de Cabra – grilled red peppers stuffed with goat cheese and mushrooms. The cheese inside was warm and the peppers perfectly soft. This was delicious if you could look past the presentation. I thought they looked like a plate of tongues. These were paired with Croquettes de Pollo (chicken fritters) that, while pretty underwhelming on the plate, were very unique and delicious. The filling of these little fried nuggets of magic was definitely chicken but it had a fully creamy texture.

Third Course:

Gambas al Ajillo was a warm skillet of shrimp sauteed with olive oil and garlic and served with crusty bread perfect for dipping. We loved every bite of this. Next was probably my favorite dish of the evening: Chorizo Casero con Pure, a grilled chorizo link over olive oil mashed potatoes. I already love chorizo no matter what, but we were blown away by how good the potatoes were.

Fourth Course:

We wrapped up this tapas feast with a pair of desserts. The Flan al Estilo Tradicional de Mama Marisa con Espuma de Crema Catalana was a fun take on the classic flan. While it claims to have a Catalan Cream spin, I failed to see it since Catalan Cream is more-or-less a crème brûlée, which this was not. I did love the strong tangerine flavor in the whipped cream, however. We also had Pan con Chocolate, which seems simple by name but the dish consisted of chocolate custard, caramelized bread and an olive-oil-brioche ice cream.

Yes, I get it. We enjoyed eight small plates between the two of us so how could I be upset that it cost us two table service credits each? I don’t know, but I am. Overall, I give this dining experience 3.5 / 5 Double-Credit Mickey Tapas.

Magic Kingdom

Our first full day at Disney began with a delightful breakfast experience at hotel restaurant Rix Sports Bar and Grill. I was a little worried since we made reservations for breakfast, then showed up to find only three other parties in the house. It was also concerning that we were having breakfast at a sports bar. Thankfully, our worries were quickly put behind us.

Katie ordered a bodacious Power Bowl packed with acai, Greek yogurt, granola and fresh fruit. I, on the other hand, enjoyed a very millennial Avocado Toast with sunny-side-up egg and a side of bacon. Not only was the food delicious, it was reasonably priced – a perk considering we weren’t using the dining plan for this meal. I give this place 4 / 5 $25 Cheeseburgers on the Dinner Menu.

As a big fan of “Beauty and the Beast,” it goes without saying that Katie wanted to eat at Be Our Guest Restaurant since it is located in the Beast’s castle. I had no qualms, so after seeing how it was fully booked for dinner, we grabbed a mid-afternoon lunch reservation. Right away, I loved the entrance – gargoyles clutching light posts that line a bridge, sculptures protruding from the mountain on either side of the door they’re flanking, the Beast’s castle just on the horizon. Way too cool.

Upon entering, I loved seeing the coats of armor standing tall, backs against the wall; the waiting room dripping with French style and rococo flair. Katie was positively beaming at how well designed the restaurant was. As we entered the ballroom, our hostess informed us this was the “actual” location where Belle and Beast shared their first dance as if it were a real moment in history.

The magic, however and unfortunately, stopped shortly after we found our seats. Our server was full of personality but it was of the arrogant and obnoxious variety. Katie ordered the Tuna Tartare appetizer, which was very good, and at our server’s insistence, I ordered the French Onion Soup au Gratin. The soup tasted great, but the presentation was terribly sloppy.

For our entrees, Katie ordered the Grilled Filet Mignon (recommended by our server) with smashed potatoes and green beans. It was also pretty good, but I could make a much better filet. I attempted to order the day’s special – Steak Frites – only to be told by our server, “It’s terrible. Really tough. Don’t order it.” I pivoted to the Short Rib Bourguignon with smashed potatoes, root vegetables and red wine jus. I also attempted to order the suggested wine pairing only to be told that it, too, was a shitty choice and was forced to order something else after being called a “wine novice.”

Katie asked me how my lunch was and I replied honestly by saying it was fine considering I didn’t get a single thing I actually wanted. The potatoes were great, the short ribs were just okay and I didn’t love the wine.

We didn’t have a choice for our dessert – we were both brought a dessert flight that consisted of a chocolate mousse, a chocolate truffle and a macaron of some kind. All tasted great but were fairly forgettable. The icing on the cake was Be Our Guest also charges two table-service credits per person. So far, we’d only eaten two table-service dinners and had burned through 8 of our 10 credits.

The visit we received from the Beast during lunch wasn’t enough to save us – he walked around the dining room but we were informed no one was allowed to approach him. 2 / 5 Weird Talking Candlesticks.

Before we left Magic Kingdom, Katie wanted to find these spring rolls we’d seen so much about on YouTube. We looked everywhere, even Googled where we might find them, and came up empty. Fortunately for us, however, before we gave up, Katie spotted a girl sitting on a bench eating spring rolls. In an excited panic, we approached her and asked “WHERE DID YOU FIND THOSE?” in a tone that probably made her feel as though we were accusing her of stealing them.

Merely 20 yards away was the MK Egg Roll Cart. And merely two minutes after finding it, we too were sitting on a bench eating Pizza Spring Rolls. They were perfectly crispy and filled with bubbly cheese and beautifully spicy pepperoni. They also came with a cup of marinara for dipping – we were two very happy Mouseketeers in that moment! Easily 4.5 / 5 Crispy, Marinara-Covered Wontons.

Dinner that night was simple – a couple quick-service meal credits spent at hotel restaurant El Mercado de Coronado. Katie got some pretty basic nachos and I ordered a pepperoni pizza. Nothing to write home about but exactly what you’d expect from a quick-service food court. They get bonus points for including a delicious garlic knot with their pizza, but I’m taking away points for them owning a wood-fired pizza oven, yet still telling me my pie – that was already in the oven – would take another 10 minutes. What kind of fire are you even using, Disney? 3 / 5 Johnson City Mall Food Courts.

Overall our Disney food score is only 3.6 out of 5, which is still better than it was when I visited the park when I was eight. However, the next day, we hit EPCOT and we liked it so much, I have to dedicate a whole post to it. TTFN!