I am the horror.
I’m told through scripture that the way to show the world that I’m one of God’s children isn’t to go to church and join a “group” or put on a tie. It isn’t about being part of a crowd or singing along during service. It’s not about putting down everyone else’s beliefs and leaving a comic book as a tip when I go out for lunch on Sunday. It’s not about painting on a clown face when I go to church so people will think I’m perfect and happy when in reality I’m happy being imperfect. Showing that you are a child of God consists of being a real person, not lowering or raising your standards to meet those of another human. It consists of doing what you feel is right even if it doesn’t agree with the media / your mother / your friends but only agrees with the spirit inside you that is the Holy Spirit. Sadly enough, this isn’t how Christianity is portrayed by it’s “believers” and I’m often ashamed to say that I am one. I am the horror.
The house situation has taken my mind and spirit by storm and all I can think about is what I want to do with the house once we get it even though I’m not going to be able to afford any of it right away. I’ll be glad to get away from my current neighbors but I sometimes get mad at myself for not giving them any more of a chance than I have. Heck, my newest ones don’t even know what I look like and I’m already fed up with them and it’s all based on what they have all over their cars and that makes me hate myself even more because I’d be pissed if they hated me for what’s on my car (even though I feel what’s on my car accurately describes the person driving it, so I guess I assume the same is correct for them.) By their vehicles they’re portraying themselves as rebel flag waving rednecks who love their smokes and god and “killin’ dem faggots” and I have no time or tolerance for that type of person. I am the horror.
If you ask me to accurately describe what will soon be etched to my body permanently, I’ll have to say checkers, two tone, fish, beat girl, Aquacadet, Lily Munster pin-up with trombone, Gwen Stefani and possibly Aaron Barrett in a word: SKA. If you ask me about my feelings towards my dad who may die soon, I’ll have to say blank, void, emotionless, the Burger King, the Brawny paper towels lumberjack guy and in a word: NOTHING. If you ask me about my feelings towards half of my family, I’ll have to say uncertain, betrayed, forgotten, ignored, satisfied, tobacco, sugar cane, hogs and cut out tongues and a name change in a word: MUNSTER. I am the horror.
The radio outside the office seems to be playing “It Is Well With My Soul”
Speaking of horror, here is a graphic I made for the soon to be up Screens and Spleens website:
Enjoy today’s haiku:
My despair’s not worth
a penny or a nightmare
I am the horror