One With the Bee: Expert Essay pt. 2

Pt. 2 of 3 of my Expert Essay assignment titled “One With the Bee.” Eat it up:

Another disturbing creature that made its home in (or should I say on) mine were last year’s wasps that huddled themselves on a small nest at about roof height on our front porch. A great place for a nest, actually, as its placement rendered it invincible to all types of weather and hid it from the few natural predators that are native to our corner of Tennessee. They were not, however, invincible to my trusty wasp and hornet spray and me.

Though much skinnier and more sleek than the carpenter bee, the wasp is equally terrifying. This could be due to any number of things ranging from my natural fear of bees to their military aerial craft body style to the time when I was a little boy and I caught a wasp in my hand thinking it was a lightning bug. I was wrong and it let me know. Something similar happened shortly after only it involved my big toe. I have found that these wasps are the most common in the area I live – maybe because of their habit of building nests under overhangs of your house, carports or office building. Because of this, I am an expert wasp killing machine.

I suited up in pants, long sleeves and a hat that covered my ears, and then took to my front porch after dark by the light of my porch light. My wife watched intently through our office window as I crept out of the front door, being careful not to close it all the way, lest a jam occur and I was not able to get back inside after doing the deed. I walked halfway down the porch, took aim and fired, luckily nailing the nest perfectly with the first surge of poison. Within a half second after letting go of the trigger on the can, I noticed the bees milling around, getting upset at their situation, so I sprinted full speed back to the front door and shut it behind me. My wife who was doubled over with laughter at my sissy retreat confronted me after I marched back up the steps. An odd way to cheer ones husband along, but whatever works for her works for me.

In the fall, after the bees had all seemingly disappeared, I tried to knock the nest down. Too high up for me to reach with the broom and too strong to be knocked down with the water hose, I decided to leave it because back when I was researching wasps I found out that other wasps will not build nests within sight of rival wasps’ nests. I like to think that by using the wasp’s natural habits against them, I am being smart and preventing future bees from trying to make me share my home. But the words of my lovely echoed in my ears again, and she’s probably right again, I had become one with the bee.

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