Reboot Day 3 – AKA “My Magician Wife”

For what it’s worth – I do not plan to write every day. I think every-other day will suffice

Carrot burps. All Day.

Today and yesterday.

And yesterday my sweat smelled like celery while I was mowing the lawn.

Man, it’s only day three of the “reboot” and it’s nearly driving me batty. Just like the previous days today consisted of two juices (morning and afternoon snacks) and a relatively light, but veggie-filled lunch – today was roasted butternut squash soup. Sounds delightful and, honestly, didn’t taste half bad but it’s definitely still not my idea of fun or pleasure.

I guess no one really said fun or pleasure would ever be a part of this.

It doesn’t help that one of the brands I work for is Food Network. All day I’m reading about recipes, ingesting video assets of cooking how-tos and viewing images of some of the most dazzling food porn you’ve ever seen. Outside the game room they were grilling hamburgers and hotdogs and the smell wafted all the way around the building leaving drool puddles as it passed through to the Food Network Kitchen where they were serving southern “comfort” food that included BBQ, mac & cheese and biscuits.

Speaking of biscuits – the cravings really hit hard today. Yesterday I spent most of the day wanting a hot dog and cornbread, even considering sneaking off to the gas station on my way home for one of their world-famous 50¢ corn dogs but I refrained. I drove by a McDonald’s this morning on the way to the office and my dreams of a buttery biscuit filled my head until just before lunch time. At that point my focus was taken over to peanut butter & jelly after I watched a video of a guy showing us how we’re “eating it wrong”. Mid afternoon my heart was set on spaghetti and meatballs.

Alas, I got none of these items. Instead, I had my juice and soup with plenty of water then polished off a dinner of spicy carrot and ginger soup with garlic, onion and portobello-stuffed roasted butternut squash. It was tasty, but nothing like the triple mushroom pizza I was yearning for.

I had spent most of the day whining and feeling sorry for myself but toward the end of the day I began building back up. “It’s only 10 days,” I repeated, “and I’m already through three of them – what’s seven more days?”

When I relayed this moment of inspiration to Erin tonight, just like Montag the Magnificent in the Wizard of Gore she was able to hypnotize the audience while she physically (verbally) abused her volunteer (myself) by telling me it was not a 10 day “reboot”. Rather, it’s a 15 day “reboot”.

15 days. I’m not even close to finished with this.

And unfortunately for my friends, coworkers and my sweet magician wife, the griping and complaining is far from over as well.

Today (Day Three)

Feeling: Decent. Not as much energy as yesterday but the headaches are gone and I’m not dragging.
Mood: Good, despite my seemingly constant griping
Weight: 256 lbs
Blood Pressure: 119/85
Feelings toward Joe: Mockery, hatred, I’d love to bully him currently.

I’ll end with a photo of our breakfast this morning – a decent little green smoothie that incorporated cucumber, celery, kale, some more kale and a frozen banana. Odd and not as good as my usual green protein smoothie but likely healthier and still tolerable. Whatever.

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