03/12/2010

Here’s something I like: The ads on Facebook and Myspace that are randomly generated based on the information on your page. I think I’m going to start including some of my favorites on here as I come across them. Here are a few that I came across today.

*NOTE: All from Myspace
**NOTE NOTE: I did NOT click any of these, so I’m not entirely sure where they go, although I’m confident the sites they lead to are equally amusing.

ARE YOU 23-26?
Let me count real quick…22, 23, 24, 25….25???!!! Oh my God I’m 25, they’re talking to me! I can get a degree! Look at that gun I can use! Sun glasses? Awesome! I can see me driving that bad ass car with the poorly Photoshopped roof to kick the shit out of Osama Bin Laden! (Gets up and pretends to arrest mother, she’s proud).

I WAS A FAT SLOB
Ya know, in only 4 weeks I went from this American to this military guy. All I had to do was click this link, sign up for active duty and spend some time at boot camp. Sure, I got yelled at a lot and I had to get off my ass and work a little bit, but that doesn’t matter! All that matters is that I have a ton of tattoos now and that makes you hardcore, especially when they’re nautical stars! Nobody has them! Wait, did I say military? I meant…#1 Muscle Building Secret (hey, they’ll call you a hero for doing this…)

$67 per Hour?
Yes, $67 for video game testers. Sounds like a dream job, eh? I mean, just think, getting paid $67 an hour, that’s $2,680 a week…That’s $139,360 a year! I can do that! I’m really good at Call of Duty and God Of War and…what? You want me to play Duck Hunt? Fester’s Quest? I’ve never heard of these…NES? Is that the next Ps3?

GET SOME!
Man, the FBI are really serious! They must know how well I arrested my mother a little while ago…I could earn my degree! MY DEGREE! $65,000 a year and a degree! GET SOME!

A REAL Man’s Diet
And I’m not talking about no fancy pants low carb bull. I’m talking pills. Tiny, piss colored pills out of a shady, unlabeled bottle. This is how they do it in Hollywood apparently, and I wanna be Hollywood. I could have a ripped body in only 4 weeks…And once you get there, attractive women posing as newscasters who have weird gaps in their cleavage will broadcast it…….LIVE!

Profiling
The geek dating site made by geeks for geeks is bad enough…Why on earth Yahoo! would want to advertise their bluegrass search results is beyond me…but come on…”Find Pretty Asian Bride?” Could we stereotype Asian grammar any worse? Yep…”Feel Alone? Meet sweet Chinese girl & share romance with her! Join free.” Now that’s just adorable and I won’t deny the fact that I think Asian women who speak broken English are super hot, but the only way this could get any worse is if it said “Feer Arone?”

African Americans QUALIFY, Y0!
No…Just…No…

Enjoy today’s haiku:

Punk rock in office
Bacon band-aids on the screen
Great, here comes the boss

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